Relationship Resource

Mentors & Role Models

Mentors & Role Models: Benefits, differences, and why it matters

Depending on how each of us is raised, our family of origin, and people we associate with as friends or acquaintances, our definitions of “normal” may vary.

What I initially thought was a normal relationship in my early twenties was, in fact, highly dysfunctional and, at times, emotionally and mentally abusive.

However, as I grew into later adulthood, thanks to new role models I was exposed to, I came to understand what a truly successful, giving, mutually respectful, and unconditional loving relationship looked like. Before them, I had believed I could have something better. Unfortunately, no matter how many books, TV shows, and audio resources I devoured, I couldn’t change.

Having information and knowledge is one thing, while applying it to everyday life and resourcefully using it in an effective manner is something else.

I greatly appreciated these roles models who I was around or could observe from afar. However, what I desperately needed was real-life people who would be vulnerable, sharing their own struggles and demonstrating how to cross the bridge from education to application.

While role models showed me what was possible, it was mentors who helped me succeed in actually transforming.

Mentors — those who brought me through my transformation — were trusted, experienced individuals who personally guided me, helping me navigate small or large stretches of my journey. Whether it was taking a personal interest in me, making time to be my personal sounding board, or helping me figure out next steps, each contributed to my success along the way

If you want to check in on where I am as a role-model today, I invite you to check out the 12-day video series below that my husband and I recently conducted. Our hope is that each person watching us sees how we strive to live and give better — to be our authentic selves and to accept or embrace others through our gift of presence.

While the live portion is over, you can view all recordings on your own or with someone else, using the access link below.

If watching together, then talk with each other about your reactions, perspectives, thoughts, and feelings regarding what you heard and saw. On your own, you can write or journal.

It may be a challenge to reflect, explore, or share regarding what’s “normal” and what, perhaps, could or should be a new “normal.” However, don’t miss out on something that could be great, just because it might be difficult.

Peace + Love,

"12 Days of Presence" recordings

WARNING: A man and woman both share their full feelings and emotions and demonstrate how they interact individually and as a married couple.

>> A description of each of the 12 daily recordings is below.
>> Register for FREE access to ALL recordings using this link

VIEW ALL 12 DAYS OF RECORDINGS FOR A LIMITED TIME ~ Sign up to receive access using this link.

Day 1 ~ Gift of Ourselves: “The world works better …” helping & sharing (12-minute video)
Guest: Brenda’s husband joins her to kick off this series, where Brenda will be present each day at 4pm Eastern, December 25 to January 5, 2021, for anyone who wishes to join her via Google Meet.

Day 2 ~ Un-Box Yourself: Man shares emotions, husband talks baggage & feelings (28-minute video)
Guest: Brenda’s husband describes his journey uncovering and learning about his own emotions, moving from four primary feelings of mad, sad, glad, and scared — and being afraid to rock-the-boat in the marriage by opening up to his wife — to where he is today with himself and their relationship.

Day 3 ~ Being fully Present: Emotional inner-work, Revelations, Recharging as an Introvert vs. Extrovert (18-minute video)
Guest: Brenda’s husband returns to discuss what happened after the Day 2 session, reviewing specifics about the exchange that played out live between them during the Google Meet.

Day 4 ~ Un-Wrapping Day 2: Sensitive or Scary sharing-topics & little victories (33-minute video)
Guest: Brenda and her husband un-pack various aspects of what transpired on their Day 2 live exchange and what they’ve gone through to get to this place in their personal growth and relationship with each other.

Day 5 ~ Un-Wrapping Day 2: continuedBuilding trust and fostering vulnerability through self-awareness and taking responsibility (39-minute video)
Guest: Brenda and her husband continue to un-pack various aspects of what transpired on their Day 2 live exchange, including how Brenda unintentionally blocked communication resulting in him shutting down. Additional areas that affect one’s ability to be fully present to the other are also covered such as role models, triggers, bias and vested interest, “do over” requests, how to share when you don’t have the words, and digital vs. in-person presence.

Day 6 ~ Being present without ‘going deep’; presence with zero conversation (32-minute video)
Guest: Brenda and her husband share about times they given the gift of their presence when the other person was not able to or didn’t want to speak, when the person doesn’t want our involvement, and when it seems little can be done and feeling helpless.

Day 7 ~ Being present when you’d rather not do so (14-minute video)
Guest: Brenda and her husband discuss being present when they “don’t feel like it” and choices they make when they find themselves in this type of situation.

Day 8 ~ Report talk vs Rapport talk and gender differences​​ (20 minutes)
Guest: Brenda and her husband discuss the concepts of Report Talk and Rapport Talk — these differences in conversation between men and women as described in the book You Just Don’t Understand — and how it applies to their personal communication and ability to be present to each other and other people.

Day 9 ~ That’s research; what about real life? (46-minute video)
Guest: Brenda and her husband share how they struggled to move from reading and learning about research concepts to actually applying these to everyday life. They use real-world examples from their own relationship and their interactions in attempting to be present to and communicate with family members.

Day 10 ~ Presence in vulnerable times, protecting confidences, exposure & betrayal (29-minute video)
Guest: Brenda and her husband talk about the importance of keeping confidences and respecting privacy, especially when observing personal situations, when someone is in a vulnerable state, or when a person has opened up to us or was exposed while we were present.

Day 11 ~ The ‘5 Love Languages’ and being present (21-minute video)
Guest: Brenda and her husband share how understanding the “5 Love Languages” has helped them do a better job of being present to each other and that, to some degree, each language requires our presence for giving or receiving in a more effective manner.

Day 12 ~ Being present works better when … (50-minute video)
Guest: Brenda and her husband do some final sharing, using the theme of “Being present works better when …” for this Day 12 of 12 LIVE meetup. They recap with Danny Iny’s “The world works better …” book as a guide for their talking points.

You’ll automatically be emailed each day with access to the next recording; just sign up for FREE to access for a limited time to the full 12 days of recorded LIVE sessions.

Note: *Resources mentioned in these videos include …
>> “The world works better …” book by Danny Iny (16 pages)
>>  The “celebrate any day” National Day Calendar that lists each world day and the official national (USA) days, weeks, and months (My go-to for fun, creative, simple ideas for celebrating and having some fun. ~Brenda)
>> “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts” (I use these skills daily. ~Brenda)
>> “You Just Don’t Understand” (One of the most helpful books for me regarding any type of relationship — personal, professional, family, etc. ~Brenda)
>> “What Every Woman Should Know” (First book I ever read about relationships; the cover images show how long ago! LOL ~Brenda)
*Note: Following a link and making a purchase may result in a commission — at no additional cost to you — and, if so, helps fund relationship-building outreach efforts.